I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
