Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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