Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
