He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
