I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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