so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
