6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
