$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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