Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
