I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
