I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
