every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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