glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
