The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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