my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
