Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize