Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
