I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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