Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
