So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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