The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
