I am spending my child support on dildos
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
