I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
