I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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