need another drink. this is the easiest way
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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