what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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