Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i believe in u and ur pee
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
