You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
