The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
