I am puke
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
