Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
