you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
