Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
