Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
