And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
