Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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