What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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