Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
