I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
