i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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