just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
