you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
