I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
wow bdsm is so cute
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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