lets start a swedish sibling band together
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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