# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
