I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
