I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
