Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
