Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You can't special order awesome
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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