Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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