Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
