I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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