I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
After tacos, we're chasing women.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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